Dashing Dreams

I left because I thought it was right
Now I'm unsure
How could familiar territory feel so impossible to navigate?
Did I throw my life away by wanting to be saved?

Unable to pinpoint where the pins and needles began
Resisting the urge to vomit and cry at the same time
Feeling empty and useless
Lost and habitually wrong
I had no clue how my incapacities both physical and emotional were so intertwined
Unsure if I am more upset by what could have been, or by what I left behind

I had come so far
I was so close to the finish line
But the thought of taking one more step made me fall into a deep depression
You can call me a quitter,
and try to soften the blow by saying I'm not the only one
You can water the flower everyday knowing it will wither,
And watch yourself fall apart as it does

Should I feel thankful that I figured it out now,
Or like I failure because I stopped in the middle of the road?
If I had listened to naysayers would I have never traveled at all?
What exactly did I have to prove?
And to whom?

Should I have listened to my own needs
or what you wanted of me?

Did I let you down, or was this a solo endeavor?
Would I be stronger had I prolonged the pain?
Ending it now, the pain seems inclined to remain

Isn't it frustrating that I was taught so much
When I wanted to teach and I gave in to fear and in turn gave up